so we've been back in the uk for our 3 months of 'leave', and i've been virtually 'blog-free' since our re-patriation. it feels only right, as our return flights to Zambia loom ever closer, to fill in the gaps somewhat, on how i've spent my time back in England.
but not only have the days and weeks and indeed months whizzed by at a frantic pace, they have also been a funny old mix, and it is difficult to describe them coherently. initially we returned to drizzle, divorce, death, disapproval and disappointment in various forms and guises.
the february skies of south london were grey and heavy as we landed into heathrow, and they matched our mood.
just prior to catching our flight out of south africa we had received a text message from a very close friend telling us that he and his wife of 2 odd years were divorcing. and in addition we received a text as we landed telling us that the husband's great uncle had died. oh the joys of mobile communication in the modern age, where bad news can be diseminated instantly.
the husband went straight into london to be a shoulder for the divorcing friend. i returned to dorset to be with my aunt, who was in the last stages of a long and exhausting battle with bowel cancer. neither of us made it to the great uncle's funeral. and life went on around us, seemingly unaffected by the monumentous 5 month journey we had just returned from, as people continued their dealings with the 'real world' and all the problems that it presents us with.
it wasn't all doom and gloom. we did have some fantastic reunions, with dorset friends, and london friends, with family, and most importantly with sky+ and a hairdryer. oh, how i missed you all.
however, our reunions with all were not entirely joy filled- we did have a slightly more difficult time meeting up with the odd person who didn't agree with our plans to return to the bush for the june-october season.
by and all we have had fantastic support and enthusiasm from most of our friends and family, and for some we have even inspired them to make changes in their own lives. the number of people who asked how we found our jobs in the lodge, and asked for advice themselves, was almost overwhelming.
but there were also a couple of people close to us who disapproved of our decision, and i'm sure despite trying to understand, and trying not to criticise, they have been unable to hide their true feelings, and their views on our unresponsible and unreasonable behaviour were made very clear. and it is hard, and has made our meetings with them strained, because they are so important to us, and we only want to make them proud, but their vision for our lives is so very different to the one we have ourselves, that we cannot fail to disappoint them.
we've been asked on more than one occasion why we don't just want to 'settle down, buy a big house and have babies' and when we plan on 'starting our lives'. it is very difficult to reply to these questions in person without sounding rude, or full of ourselves, but the answer to the first is only when we are ready, and we really want it more than anything. because how awful would it be to leap in to those things too soon? it is easy to quit a foreign job, to catch a plane back home, or to admit that you made a mistake and walk away from a decision like our one to return to Zambia.
but, from my limited knowledge, its not the same with a mortgage, and definitely not the same with a baby. people frown on walking away from babies.
and in answer to the latter question, i feel like i 'started my life' a long time ago, when i met the husband in a beach bar in malawi at the age of 21. from that moment suddenly, unexpectedly everything made sense and i knew that if we were together, then every day would be complete. and since october, since abandoning the daily grind of the 9-7 (london hours are really that long!) and stepping off the treadmill of predictability and stability, i really feel like we finally are living our lives to their absolute maximum capacity.
but despite facing some negativity from certain quarters, we have also experienced some fantastically, mind blowingly, amazingly positive moments.
as the days passed the skies lightened, and the sun came out and shone for us, both metaphorically and literally.
i have been working periodically on temping placements, the husband has been working from home on our festival business (http://www.twothousandtreesfestival.co.uk/) and setting up a photographic website (http://www.biggerpicturephotography.co.uk/ - please check it out, i'm really proud of our work on there). but often this has left the two of us free to enjoy the delights of Dorset, our soon to be home when we tire of the Zambian 'bush-home'.
we have had some stunningly sunny, un-seasonally warm weather, and we have been able to really make the most of it- long walks on the beach, impromptu picnics in the sand dunes, lunches in the marina, days out on my parent's boat. we have had some brilliant times with our local friends- weekends in the new forest camping, and nights out in Bournemouth town, relaxed sunday bbq's and one particularly mental night dancing to ska in our local gig venue (i haven't moshed like that for many years- 29 1/2 and still moshing! yay! maybe i really won't grow up!!).
we even had a road trip together to France for an ex-Dorset boy's wedding to his gorgeous French fiancee, and it was just brilliant fun, hopefully a pre-cursor of many future random jaunts to come!
and all of these things, all of these experiences, have just cemented in my mind that we are doing the right thing. in a strange way, despite the various troubling things that have happened in the past three months, i now feel very positive. i know i love dorset, i know i love being surrounded by the amazing friends and family down here, and although i am really excited about heading back to our bush life, i am also very excited about the next phase when we come back here. i know we have amazing times ahead, and life really holds so much promise at the moment- it couldn't be better.
sure, we've had some bad stuff to deal with since we've been back, and there has been some negativity, but i feel that we have been lucky to be back here in the UK to experience those things first hand. its not so easy to help friends and family through the difficult times over an email or a skype link.
death, divorce and disappointment there may have been, but we have been here to work through them, to hold hands, to weep, to be a comforting pat on the shoulder and to be a reassuring word. and we have moved on from those desperately depressing things, moved through them and beyond, into the next new phases in our lives.
those lost to us and passed on will be missed and mourned, but ever loved, and how much better to have loved them and lost them than never to have known them.
the friend dealing with divorce seems to moving onwards and upwards into a new and positive place, and i have every hope that when he stops moving he will be in a much better and happier space than where he started from.
and those who are disappointed in us seem to be getting the message, and if not exactly pleased, they are at least accepting of us- the husband and i are living life, and we will stop and 'settle' (in the most traditional sense of the word) when the time is right, but for right now we are happy enough just settled in each other's arms.
it has been an eventful few months in many ways, and in many ways it has just been life carrying on as normal- life and death, weddings and divorce, parties and working, trips abroad and quiet nights in. this is what life is made of, and we are living it and loving it, every precious second.
and as i type this now, i look out of the window at the bright blue June skies of Dorset, and they match my mood.
