not entirely, in fact barely at all. i've been living a responsible, and relative reckless-free life for quite some time. ( i'm not by nature a particularly reckless or immature person. i was the child who, aged 8, given a couple of quid by my parents on summer afternoons to spend at the amusement arcade would only gamble with half and carfeully pocket the other half of it to save. i didn't really find it fun to walk away penniless at the end- as you inevitably do at seaside amusements- i'd far rather play for a while, and then sit quietly watching the flashing coloured lights and turning the remaining coins over in my hot little hand, saving up for something special that i really wanted to spend it on, and that i could keep. the transitory nature of the arcade experience was not, i deemed, worth my pennies. so even as a child, i was quite a mature one!)
rather, the title of the blog is a line from a song that holds particular resonance with me. i count myself lucky to be acquainted with a rather brilliant young folk-punk-rocker (I think he'd be happy with that label?) who goes by the name of frank turner http://www.frank-turner.com/.
i first came across him several years ago, at a gig at the scala in kings cross. he was supporting the nightwatchman (the alter-ego and stunning solo project of tom morello, from rage against the machine fame), and blew me away by his poetic lyrics and powerful, passionate vocal ability. we have got to know him better over the years, through our organisation of 2000 trees festival, http://www.twothousandtreesfestival.co.uk/, but from that very first time i saw him perform it there has always been one song that really stood out to me. its called 'photosynthesis', and for some reason i really heard the lyrics. that might sound strange, but its not often that I'm grabbed by the lyrics of a song- more often than not its the melody or the bass line that sucks me in and the lyrics come along for the ride. my husband is continually ripping the piss because 9 times out of 10 when i'm gaily singing along to a song on the radio or in the car 9 out of 10 of the words i'm singing are entirely incorrect. for an age i was wailing 'these eggs are on fire' along to the kings of leon hit and i still find myself (even though i know, i know its 'pepper sprout') every time i'm listening to the classic cash/carter 'jackson' duet happily singing 'we got married in a fever, hotter than a brussel sprout'... which is stupid- brussel sprouts are very rarely hot anyway...
so the words to 'photosynthesis' had a really powerful effect on me. the song warns the listener that life is not really about sitting back, and letting it happen around you, and going with the flow. its all too easy to get stuck in your little rut, do what is expected, go to your 9-5 job and work away your little life in the pursuit of money, stability and routine. he sings, well most of the time he screams;
"all your friends and peers and family solemnly tell you you will
have to grow up be an adult yeah be bored and unfulfilled
oh when no ones yet explained to me exactly what's so great
about slaving 50 years away on something that you hate,
about meekly shuffling down the path of mediocrity
well if that's your road then take it, but it's not the road for me"
when the husband and i got married last summer, we had 'photosynthesis' as our first dance. it was the most raucous first dance i've ever seen- we were swinging round the dance floor, people were standing on tables, punching the air and shouting along to the song, and within the first couple of verses all of our friends and family were on the dance floor with us in a mad joyful sweaty jumping twirling mess. it was, to say the least emotional, and i think i cried a tear or two of pure unadulterated joy.
that, to me, is what i mean when i say that i will not grow up.
its not that i'm scared of responsibility, or maturity or turning 30, or any of that crap.
its that i' am scared of being too 'mature' to go mental on a dance floor, or scream my lungs out at a gig. i don't ever want to take myself so seriously that i won't risk making a fool of myself, or laugh at myself when i inevitably do. i never want to be too old to have fun and follow my dreams, and i simply refuse to not take some enjoyment out of every day.
and most of all i will not be too scared to re-evaluate my life and make every second of it count, and i really hope that this trip we are planning helps me do that.
so, if i'm not some desperate wannabe peter pan, then perhaps you might wonder why is this blog all in lower case? if i'm not desperately clinging on to the last vestiges of my youth and my twenties by reliving the joy of writing free style, devoid of the correct punctuation and the correct grammar then why all the little letters? that, is just to wind up my dad, who i adore to bits but is a total grammar nazi, and i hope is reading this with a wry smile (having previously been spluttering into his coffee about his daughter's appalling punctuation!)
i might even slip in a few inappropriate apostrophes along the way if you keep reading dad..... now there's a promise!
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