since i arrived at the lodge at the end of November last year i have learned a plethora of new things about the bush, and its wildlife. i have been soaking up facts and figures like the length of an elephant's gestation period, and what kind of leaves a bushbuck likes to graze on, and why giraffes only eat a few leaves at a time from any one tree. but this kind of information is probably, in the main, not of much interest to you. i hope the little nuggets below are more entertaining:
* if you put up a christmas tree and decorate it with dried wild oranges, even if those oranges are over a year old, painted bright colours, and lacquered the elephants will still try to eat them.
* interestingly, Zambians can not prounounce the letter 'r'. they say it like an 'l'. which can be pretty entertaining-
chef: "Madam, we need more lice for the kitchen."
me: "What??"
chef: "We need more lice, to serve to the guests, for their lunch."
me: "Lice? We are serving the guests lice?"
chef: " Yes Madam, brown lice, to go with the cully...."
the husband, has also affectionately been re-named 'Blendan' by all of the hosts and managers here that we are friends with, as a play on the Zambian version of his name. at times i even find myself calling him that....
* it is possible to have 13 mosquito bites on one buttock. (it was the left if you were interested.)
i am sparing your eyes, and not adding a photo to illustrate this point.
* one small bottle of shampoo can last almost 5 months! amazingly, my 250ml bottle of Herbal Essences shampoo is still going. i left the UK with it on 2nd October, and by some freak of circumstance i haven't quite used it all up yet. when we left South Africa for Zambia i felt convinced that the shampoo must be almost used up and bought a replacement, but i haven't
had to reach for it yet. this would, perhaps, point towards the fact that i'm not washing my hair enough and am a total greaseball, but you will have to trust me that my hair is glossy and shiny
and fresh as a daisy, and i am washing it at least every other day. i like to think that the good people at Herbal Essences have created some kind of magic bottle that never runs out....
* Zambians think that fried termites are a delicacy. i have tried them- they are actually not bad, very greasy and crunchy, rather like bombay mix. only they don't look quite as appetising.
* baboons have absolutely no sense of decorum. they will wait until you are walking through the lodge, briefing and acquainting brand new guests with the facilities , before starting to furiously copulate right in the middle of your path. they seem to take special pleasure in doing this when the guests have small children in tow.
* produce a camera in a Zambian village, and within 3 seconds you will be surrounded by children.
* drinking and driving here is against the law. by which, i don't mean that they have any problem with intoxicated drivers, rather that you are not allowed to drink and drive at the same time. if caught with a bottle of beer in your hand whilst on the road you will most likely be pulled to the side of the road, and made to down the bottle in one go, and then sent on your way. genius.
* when a male warthog is horny it makes a noise rather akin to a chuntering lawnmower (the sound is officially known as 'clacking'), and will rest his snout on the back of a female and dribble all over her. Archie, the semi-tame warthog that was hanging around the grounds of the lodge was obviously a bit sexually frustrated, due to the lack of female hogs in the area, and he would take particular delight in chasing members of staff up and down the paths clacking at them.
one morning in late December, when i was feeling a bit under the weather and had returned to my room for a rest, he chased me up to my door, and then proceeded to kneel outside, with his chin on my doorstep, snout actually touching the door, happily chuntering away to himself for a good half an hour. he dribbled so much a big puddle seeped through under the door. i don't even want to know what was going through that little hoggy-Romeo's mind....
* Germans do after all, despite all the rumours, have a sense of humour.
we had some rather dour and sombre guests staying with us, who were taking the safari experience most seriously, at the same time as a fantastic older german lady in her seventies, who was full of the joys of spring, flirting with all the young waiters, drinking beer and having a lovely time.
over dinner one evening she commented to the husband "Vhat is wrong viz zose people? Vy are zey so miserable and rude? Who are zey?". the husband, diplomatically, started to answer her questions "They are Canadian missionaries...." and quick as a flash she responded "Ah. Zat explains it zen!".
* the Zambian people here are so polite. their preferred greeting is 'Good Morning. How are you?' to which the response is always 'Fine thank you, and you?'.
if you try to defer from this line of greeting they don't really like it, and you will most often be put straight back on to the correct line of conversation. many a time I've greeted the local workers with something a little lazier like a simple 'Morning', and the response is always still 'Fine thank you and you?'.
* a juvenile bushbaby is very cute, in a gremlin type way.
* but a baby dormouse is cuter!
* nothing entertains young Australians more than an elephant with an erection, doing a poo at the same time. i was 'lucky' enough to witness this on a game drive with some guests. they were genuinely in hysterics for the rest of the drive, and said that it had been the highlight of their trip.
* baby elephants have very little control over their trunks. as evidenced by the number of times i've watched youngsters slinging their trunks over their ears and then getting it stuck. it is most cute.
the little chappy in this photo struggled for many minutes trying to pick up the mango!
* i have learned to cut the husband's hair with clippers, and have done a rather fab job- he has had many complimentary comments. which is a good job really, considering that there won't be many hairdressers around in the bush when we are in camps.
* when they said we were coming out to stay in the rainy season, they were not joking!
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