my wisdom teeth.
they are still hanging on in there, half emerged and half stuck in the safety of my gums. they have been this way for a number of years. every 3 months or so they look to be making a bid for freedom, and i get sore gums where they try to push through a little bit further. and every time i go to my dentist for a check up, she has a prod at them, and says maybe next time they will have come through enough to warrant yanking them out, but really they seem to be in no rush.
and i wonder if maybe my wisdom teeth are a bit of a metaphor for me as a whole person- they, and i it seems, are half way there. i’m definitely half way to being wise and have learned a lot in my 30 years on this earth, but I also recognise that there is a lot more left for me to learn before I can even hope to be ‘yoda-like-smart’ about the world that surrounds me.
and, frankly, I think that’s about enough wisdom for this (nearly) thirty year old for the time being. I wouldn’t want to have it all figured out by now, any more than my 4 wisdom teeth want to be yanked from my gums- if I did it would make for a fairly dull next 30 years!
but, I do like to share, so here are a few pearl(y white)s of wisdom that I have learned recently:
*I have learned that people are essentially the same the world over- some people will bend over backwards to help you, just because they are nice like that, and some people will do their best to bend you over and screw you, just because they are not nice like that. the trick lies in working out who is what.
* I have learned that turning a top back to front is a great way of extending your wardrobe repertoire when stuck with the same clothes for 5 months straight and no opportunity to buy any exciting new ones. it makes a refreshing change to have a high neckline at the front, and a dipped or v-back, and in this humidity leaving my back unadorned to feel the breeze is an additional bonus.
seriously, I’ve been doing it, and it works.
You just have to remember to cut the labels out, or it itches.
* I have finally learned how to wear coloured lipstick and nail varnish. for a long time, after a disastrous phase aged 15 where I experimented with gothic eyes and lips in all hues of purple, navy, silver and mulberry (I even had a…gasp…black lipstick. god!), I have shied away from anything other than the palest neutrals and nudes, always going a shade or two lighter, and feeling like those were the only safe colours I could use without looking like a child who had got into mother’s make up box.
this past year I have pushed myself out of my comfort zone and forced myself to try brighter colours, and I love them. admittedly, I’m still a way from any nice lady-like reds, and dark pinks ( I feel too mumsy), but I have conquered orange, coral and fushia nails, and have a bright pink matt lipstick that always makes me feel on-trend. And I swear when I get home I’m going to try a rich burgundy nail and a red lip. even if it doesn’t suit, I’m going to try it.
*I have learned to avoid the sight of hippos shagging- its too depressing. we see it inadvertently quite a lot from the deck at Chindeni- they seem to enjoy an audience, so often time their liaisons to coincide with lunch or breakfast- but despite this rampant exhibitionism, it’s really just rather sad. they do it in the water (obviously, doing it on land doesn’t bear thinking about. their poor knees wouldn’t hold up), and the male always seems to look at best half-hearted, at worst like he is thinking about something else more interesting. like drying paint.
and the female almost always looks like she is drowning- you can just about make out two little nostrils sticking out of the water, but being regularly submerged by the big beast on top of her grunting, exhaling heavily and thrusting away wearily. horny horny hippos indeed…
* I have learned that national stereotypes have quite a lot of basis in fact. Generally, the Americans are loud, the Canadians are sweet and softly-spoken, the Indians are fussy about food, the Aussies are laid back and fun, the Brits drink too much, and the Japanese really do like to take a lot of photos.
* I have learned that really, genuinely, the only person who will notice if I don’t shave my legs every day is me.
(on a similar theme, try as I might, I have still not learned how to shave my knees properly. whatever I do, I always miss a patch on the bony bit of my knee where the stubble remains. though miraculously, it seems these hairs don’t grow, for they are always the same length. you would have thought I’d have mastered it by the age of 30, but it seems not.)
* I have learned that, however much I try to convince myself otherwise, however much I say that I don’t need it, and I would never just eat a spoon of sugar, tea is just nicer with sugar in it.
*I have learned that some people just like to complain or be a problem. there is
nothing you can do about it. even if you remedy everything that they can find to
be negative about, they will find something new that is not satisfactory, perhaps
the way the sun comes up is not to their liking, and the only way to cope with
these kind of people is to privately remind yourself how empty their life must be if
they spend their entire time looking for things to complain about rather than
getting on and enjoying.
* I have learned to look away from the obvious, and think outside of the box when it comes to seating- bean bags and hammocks are the way forward.
* I have learned you actually can teach an old dog new tricks. I just received a text message from my mum proving that point- though to be clear, I’m not insinuating that my mother is either a) old or b) a dog. she signed off her text “lol mx”… assuming she doesn’t mean ‘laughing out loud’, she has after several months of only being able to communicate with me very sporadically, it appears mastered the art of ‘txt-spk’… god help me. god help us all.
* I have learned that it is pretty much impossible to have the correct temperature of curry for a mixed group of people- some will always complain that it is too spicy, even if you have essentially served up a stew, and others will condescendingly sneer at its mildness, and ask whether it is difficult to get chillis in
*i have learned that i will never be a ‘light traveller’. and I’m kidding myself if i ever thought i was. even if I’m just going away for a day or two, I find that I always pack way more than I need, and am lugging a heavy bag.
I should have probably realised this truth about myself when I was working in
the single hand-bagged friends would mock me on evenings in the pub, camping buddies would look on incredulously as I loaded myself up like a pack-donkey for festival trips, and my office buddies would marvel at how big my weekend bag was for….well for a weekend away.
but like a plucky little boy scout I am at least, always prepared for every eventuality.
I will always have plasters and hair bands.
* I have learned that though you can be too old for pigtails, the side-plait is ageless.
* I have learned that nothing stops tsetse flies biting you. the best form of defence is resignation- the only way to deal with them is to stoically stand back and ‘take it’, and eventually (after a couple of months at least) your body ceases to react so violently to their little pincers.
* I have learned that I am not the best boss when humidity levels are high. something about having sweat trickling down every part of my face, my front and my back makes me a lot more liable to snap at the inane questions the staff have a tendency to ask in the middle of the day, when you are exhausted, and trying to multi-task (ie. manage a bushcamp, and not melt).
*I have learned to love Gin and Tonic.
* and one of the most important things I’ve learned is the importance of friends and family. yes, there have been times when I’ve missed home comforts like tv, or the internet, or nutella, or chai lattes, or clothes shopping, or a traditional English pub. but the only times I’ve ever really wanted to go home is when I’ve been missing people.
sometimes you hear travellers saying that the worst thing about being away from their native country is missing the football matches, or not being able to get marmite. I can only hope that those people are lying, because otherwise they must have very unfulfilled lives.
* finally, and possibly the most important thing I have learned is an invaluable piece of advice proffered by the husband. it is important when it comes to running a bushcamp, but is probably relevant in all warps of life.
he said, “Tams, of all the things to get involved with, the shit-pump is at the very bottom of the list”.
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